What to do when your child is overwhelmed by school expectations

These are the objectives to be taught in
 our local district's 6th grade math class.
The teachers will have about 7 weeks to
teach the 9 objectives before the quarterly 
benchmark test.  Some of these are 
combinations of what were 2-3 
separate objectives in past years. 

If your child cries over homework, or says things like, "I'm stupid!"  and "I hate school," he is likely overwhelmed by the demands made on his brain every day.  But what is a parent to do?

The reality is, school is a lot harder than it used to be, even just a few years ago.  Less opportunity for physical activity, and more rigorous instruction, combine to frustrate the child whose body and mind are still developing.

Here are a few recommendations from parents and veteran teachers:

1. Emphasize learning over grades.  Celebrate with your child when she has accomplished something difficult.  But don't rely on graded papers or report cards to tell you that she is learning.  Ask her to teach you how to do the math she learned today.  Keep a list of books she has read, or words she can spell. Meanwhile, think of a test as simply a snapshot of what she knew at a certain point in time-- and what she still may need to work on-- not "how smart" she is.  Students whose feelings of self-worth are tied to the almighty A are the ones who crash and burn when the work becomes more challenging.  And if your child's grades are less than stellar, don't despair.  No college ever asked about an elementary or middle school GPA.  Just make sure she is learning.

2. Let your child do things he can do on his own.  This means making sure he has meaningful chores, and takes care of personal responsibilities, so he can develop a feeling of personal competence.  A kindergartner can set the table, pack his own lunch and choose his own clothes to wear.  Sometimes children learn "I can't" when too much is done for them.  After all, if Mom does everything for me, she must think I'm not capable.  On the other hand, a child who has confidence in his own abilities is more likely to persist when the homework gets tough.

3. Make sure she has the right foundation.  Any child who has not memorized her math facts by 5th or 6th grade will be struggling.   Sadly, it is not uncommon to see students still counting on their fingers in middle school.  If your child still struggles with reading grade-level material in 4th or 5th grade, or handwriting, or spelling, or other basic skills, she may need extra help.  One cannot assume that every child will build a good academic foundation in today's schools.  The schools, not to mention the teachers, have little control over the content they are required to teach-- they often feel as if they must present the lessons with all the grace and delicacy of a firehose.  Even when some children don't master an objective, the entire class is forced to go on to the next one.  So if the parents notice that their child still needs to memorize the times tables, it is up to the parents to ensure that this happens.  Whether this is addressed through school-based remediation, parent-guided drills, private tutors, or even online apps, will depend on what best fits the situation.

4. Break it down.  Find out how much your child already knows, and what he's stuck on. Your child may feel overwhelmed by having to spell "centrifuge," but have him try to spell it a syllable at a time and it gets easier.  Cen -tri -fuge.  Butterfly?  Two words.  Caught? Three sounds:  c  augh t.  Does he know that "augh" represents the /a/ sound?  Same with math.  If he's dividing decimals, what does he already know about division?  Maybe he just needs to know how to place the decimal.  Maybe he needs to review division itself.

5. Make it fun.  Change the names in her word problems to her favorite pets or superheroes. Use Legos or snacks to model the math.  Can you make a game out of his homework?  Perhaps you can repurpose an old gameboard for a new game where your child advances for each word spelled correctly, and throughout the game will land on spaces that have a small treat.  If she is working on learning multiplication facts, she can use a set of flash cards as the game's question cards in order to move around the board.  If she needs to work on skills, there are online math drills such as TimezAttack, and reading help at Starfall and other sites.  

6. Know when enough is enough.  If the homework session has gone on too long, your child is less able to concentrate.  He may need a play break-- jumping on the trampoline, running to the mailbox, walking the dog, or even a couple of quick chores can clear his brain to think better.  Sometimes switching subjects or homework assignments for a few minutes is all it takes.  Breaking a long assignment into smaller chunks can be very helpful.  If your child is on the verge of a meltdown at the prospect of 15 math problems he must complete, have him pick three to do before he gets a two-minute break to talk to you about his favorite topic.  Or do half of the math problems before doing half of the spelling, then math, then spelling again. And just as important, if you see that the assignment is truly too long or too difficult, work with the teacher to make adjustments.  For example, if your child struggles with reading and must do a major book report, ask if the child may have extra time, or if you may use an audiobook, or alternate reading one page with your child reading the next one, or if the child may type or dictate the report or simply write fewer sentences.  A child who has a 504 or IEP may already be getting these accommodations, but even without these, you may choose to have your child earn a lower grade rather than lose his sanity.

7. Communicate with his teacher.  Please, don't be the parent who calls or emails the teacher multiple times per week.  But do let her know when there is a problem.  You will likely know before the teacher will!   A simple, "Sorry, Johnny worked for two hours on his homework last night before I made him go to bed," can be helpful.  Get to know how the teacher communicates best: some respond more quickly to emails than phone calls, or vice versa; most keep class websites, or send newsletters, to let parents know of upcoming assignments and learning objectives.  If you can possibly make it to parent conferences, be there.  Keep an eye on any assignments handed back, and if you have an online grade reporting system (Powerschool), use any information available there.  Also find out if any after-school tutoring or homework help may be offered at your school.  When you do talk to the teacher, you can ask her about what her preferred communication options are.  Find out when her conference period is, or if there is a good time to call before or after school (sometimes before and after school are the teacher's busiest times).

8. Eliminate distractions.  Make sure your child has a designated place to do homework that allows him to be in top form.  Some children do best in a quiet room by themselves; a desk in a bedroom is ideal for this.  Others need supervision, perhaps at the kitchen table.  If other people in the house create too much noise, foam earplugs might be helpful.  A protein-based snack before starting, or while working, can help your child stay focused.  Keeping supplies on hand in a specific spot-- paper, pencils, eraser, sharpener, glue, scissors, crayons, etc.-- will ensure that your student doesn't waste valuable time looking for them.

8 1/2. Eliminate more distractions.  The use of recreational electronics-- computers, video games, tablets, etc-- may seem like great stress relievers and even rewards, but on school nights may do more harm than good.  I've seen more than one child whose ADHD symptoms were made much worse after playing video games-- whether because of game apnea (two boys I observed would unconsciously hold their breath while playing, and the oxygen deprivation would cause visible behavioral changes) or the buildup of adrenaline with no physical outlet.  Instead, it may work better for the child to earn tokens or tickets for (calm) completion of homework and chores which can be redeemed on the weekends for screen time.

9. Reduce extracurricular stress.  Many students these days are overextended in sports and after-school activities.   A music lesson, sport, club, or another pursuit that a child has actually expressed an interest in can build a child's confidence and even boost her brain function, but there can be too much of a good thing.  Many families find that limiting each child to a single activity, or one to two school nights per week, is a workable limit.   Too many activities can result in a lack of adequate sleep, which may hinder your child's performance at school.

10. Use your resources.  As mentioned before, your child's school may offer after-school help.   Many local libraries do, too.  There are sites such as khanacademy.org, learnzillion.com, or even Youtube where you can search for topics such as "dividing fractions" or "direct and indirect objects" and find a video lesson.  (Be careful on Youtube.  Some of it is inappropriate for children.)  Your child's teacher may even list specific helpful resources on his website.

These are a few of the most common suggestions from parents and teachers I have known.  I hope they help you, or at least spark some ideas of your own!  May you and your child be blessed.

Custom Homeschooling on a Shoestring

While homeschooling is a slight tangent from my usual topic, it's the time of year when some parents are seriously considering whether it might be a beneficial option for their children.

There are many reasons people might consider homeschooling, and many ways of accomplishing it. This post is for those of you who have decided that, while homeschool is the best option for your family's needs, your budget is limited.  You may have researched various homeschool packages from Sonlight, Timberdoodle, Alpha-Omega, Calvert, etc., and found the prices out of reach.  Perhaps you looked into the free online public school options such as K-12 or Connections Academy, but don't feel that these would suit your family's needs.  You're thinking DIY is the way to go.  So now you're wondering, "Where do we start?"

You don't need some high-dollar curriculum package (although those are nice!), or even the free online public school set-up, to give your child a great education.  What you really need is time to invest in your child.  First, there is the time to plan and find the materials you need, but most importantly is the time you actually spend with your child.  You will be the one to know if she has trouble with her multiplication facts, or if she needs more work on handwriting, or is so excited about geology that you could spend a whole year reading, writing and learning about rocks.

Here's a basic DIY tutorial:

1. Investigate the homeschooling requirements of your state (assuming U.S. readers here, but whatever laws apply).  They vary considerably.  For example, in Virginia you may be required to submit a course description at the beginning of every year and evidence of progress at the end of every year, whereas in Arizona you simply file an Intent to Homeschool once.  There may also be required subjects, standardized tests, or other boxes to check.  You can find this information online ("homeschool requirements in the state of ___") or by calling your state department of education. Another good source is the  Home School Legal Defense Association, which has the latest information for each state.

2. Map out what you want your child to learn.  Depending on your goals for and philosophy of homeschooling, you may have specific ideas of what you want your child to study.  Do you want her to fall in love with literature, develop an understanding of the world, learn a foreign language, excel in math and science, think critically, write well, express herself through the arts?  What about this specific school year-- what period(s) of history do you want to study, and how much geography?  What areas of science, and what works of literature?  Art? Music?

If that sounds intimidating, don't worry.  Common Core aside, there are no set rules about what a child must cover at any certain grade level.  There are topics and approaches that are more appropriate than others, of course, for each age and stage.

You might find age-appropriate ideas in What Your ___ Grader Needs to Know, or your local school's curriculum, or a classical homeschooling plan such as amblesideonline.org.  If you like the idea of unit studies,  Five in a Row is a popular program that builds a week's worth of academic learning around classic children's literature.  There is even a program based on the Little House series. Discovering what you like, and what you don't, will make it that much easier to create your own custom homeschool.

Consider what your child's individual needs are, and where his strengths/weaknesses and interests lie. For example, if your 4th grader is a struggling reader, you might want to offer many high-interest, low difficulty books to build up his fluency instead of texts that might cause frustration. If your child is obsessed with Pokémon, walruses, or vacuum cleaners, there are ways to incorporate these interests into math, science, and just about any other subject.  Bear in mind that the older the child is, the more important it is to include his input in this planning stage.

The idea of what and how much you might want to cover in a year is called the "scope" of your lesson plans.  Educators call the complete list of what you plan to teach, and the order you plan to teach it, the "scope and sequence."  Depending on your state laws, this may actually be a required document that you submit to the officials.  Obviously, if you are using a commercial curriculum for one or more subjects that is already planned out, your scope and sequence will be pre-determined and you don't have to mess with it.  However, if you're coming up with your own plan, most people find it helpful to write out some kind of parameters to keep in mind as they go through their year.  By no means is it set in stone; the beauty of homeschooling is its flexibility.

Linked below is a very basic scope and sequence for a fictional 4th grader.  It is based on a 3-term school year, so assuming a traditional 36-week school year, that would be about 12 weeks each.  You may prefer to break your year down into 9-week, 6-week, or semester (18-week) segments. Whatever works for you is great!  Please note that this example is only one way to write out the information; you might do it differently.  For instance, some of my entries are written in unnecessarily vague educational jargon just because it's late as I type this and I'm too tired to use real English.  And there are also more subjects listed than a real 4th grader would be likely to need.  It could also be that I'm missing one that you plan to include, such as vocabulary or geography.  But I think you can get the general idea.  In case you want to try it yourself, I'm including a printable template:
sample scope and sequence
scope and sequence template

3. Determine your resources.  If you want your child to learn history and geography, do you have anything now that you could use to teach that?  You may already have certain educational materials collected at home: maps and globes, books on history and science, fiction books, educational DVD's, games, equipment and supplies. When we began homeschooling, we already had large wall maps of the world and the U.S.A., and a generic Illustrated World History Encyclopedia from the Barnes and Noble bargain shelf.  The book was enough to introduce each historical topic that we studied, and we used the maps to locate each country or event site as we got to it.  You might have other items, or none at all.  But for each subject you teach, there may be more available resources than you realize.

These may be community offerings: people you know who are experts in a particular field, libraries, museums, historical sites, theater groups and symphonies, universities, extra-curricular clubs, parks and recreation classes, churches, or homeschool support groups.  Maybe the local parks and rec offers a children's art class, or the children's museum downtown has some great science exhibits.  And there is a wealth of online educational resources, and even educational apps.

But what about actual curriculum? There might be a math text or spelling program that you have heard of and are dying to try out.  Ask around!  Homeschooling friends are often happy to loan out reusable curriculum that their children have finished with.  If you join a co-op or homeschool support group, there are often opportunities to share items.  Used bookstores, Ebay, Facebook, Craigslist, Amazon and online forums are also places that can help you score a ganga deal.  Be sure to do your research and know what the cost of the new item would be before shelling out anything for the used version.

 What if you know what you want to teach, but don't know how to start?  There are all kinds of books and websites available to help you.  Ruth Beechick's You Can Teach Your Child Successfully has helped countless families on their homeschooling journey.  Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons is a classic that gives parents a sequential, simple method of teaching their child to read.  Another favorite of mine is Reading Reflex, which I have discussed before.  There are articles on websites (here's an example), and online programs such as starfall, readingbear, bookadventure, and readtheory for reading, and Khan Academy for math.  A good librarian can help you find what's available on the shelves, and Googling "free reading curriculum" or something similar will get you started online.

It's a good idea to make a list of available resources before you need them.  Here's an example of a resource list, and a template you might use to create your own:
sample homeschool resources
homeschool resources template

You might notice that the resource form has a space for an electronic scheduling system. I have used both Homeschool Tracker and Homeschool Planner over the years; while not absolutely necessary, these programs allow the parent to keep a neat and immediately updatable record of everything their child has done, which can be invaluable if they ever need a transcript or some other documentation of their work.

4.  Divide and conquer.  Once you have gathered your resources, use your scope and sequence to come up with a daily/weekly plan.  Think of the old riddle, "How do you eat an elephant?  A bite at a time!"  Your scope and sequence is the elephant; your daily plan is the bite at a time.  So for every subject, look at your resources and determine how each could be reasonably spread out over the designated time period.  For example, if you want your child to listen to fifteen Newberry award books plus a collection of short stories and a book of poetry over the year, you might plan to cover five novels, a short story and twenty poems per 12-week term.  The daily plan would then be determined by the amount of reading your child can comfortably listen to in a single sitting.  Depending on the length of the chapters, you might decide to read and discuss a chapter a day of the novel along with a poem, or a short story and a poem.  A long chapter might be split over two days, while a couple of short chapters might be read together.  (Incidentally, reading aloud to your child is an excellent way to develop her vocabulary and listening skills, but a follow-up discussion of what you are reading is critical so she doesn't begin to tune you out.)

For history, you might work on one historical event per week.  On Monday you could read about it in a history encyclopedia and locate the appropriate places on a map; the next day your child might watch a You-tube clip about it.  Wednesday might involve a hands-on project.  On Thursday you might find more information about the event on child-appropriate website, and Friday you might have your child draw a small representative symbol on a timeline at the appropriate date.  By the way, if your literary selections are related to the history being studied at the time, your child can experience a greater understanding of the people and events.  For example, you might select titles such as Johnny Tremaine or American Girl's Felicity while studying the American Revolution.  Adding in special activities such as museum visits,  listening to music of the period, cooking and craft activities, and dramatic play also increase engagement.

Your math resource(s) may be online or text-based.  If you are using something like Khan Academy, you won't have a certain number of pages to assign, so you would set a daily time limit or a certain number of activities instead.  A twenty- to thirty-minute session of math might be as much as your child can absorb in a sitting, but you can plan to do a lesson introducing a concept (such as two-digit addition) early in the day, and then provide time for independent practice later on.  A third, short session of fact drill (using flash cards or online games) might be scheduled during another part of the day.

Older students who are highly motivated, but prefer a less structured style, might work better given a weekly assignment list instead of a daily one.  We found a daily assignment list worked well for us; my kids felt a sense of accomplishment as they completed each item.  When they dumped me for public high school, they hit the ground running and never once had to be reminded to do their homework.

As you plan each day or week, notice that there are at least three different types of school activities.  There are the oral activities, such as read-aloud and discussion items; the guided practice where you are actively helping your child with hands-on or pencil-and-paper work; and there is the independent work in which your child is working on an assignment by himself.  Silent reading, math problems, handwriting practice, and computer-based activities would fit in this category.  I found that having an even balance of all three types of learning worked best for us.

What is a good amount of time to spend on school each day?  It depends on the age of the child, of course, but it is unlikely to be anywhere close to what is needed in the classroom.  So much time there is spent on crowd control (lining up, getting supplies, transitioning from one activity to the next) and administrative tasks (collecting and passing out papers, taking attendance, making announcements)-- besides the fact that teaching one-on-one is far more efficient than one-on-twenty-five-- that finding your child done by noon should be a normal occurrence at the elementary level.  By middle school, my kids were more likely to stretch things out until 4 or even 5pm, but that included a break in the day for band or music lessons, cooking their own breakfast and lunch, and a pretty heavy load of academics.

Here is a sample week that gives ideas for doable daily assignments in a number of subjects.  Bear in mind that you would probably not want to start out doing all of this at once!  And every family's/child's needs are different; you might prioritize, add or eliminate different subjects based on your own scope and sequence.

sample homeschool week
homeschool week templateht

And a sample daily schedule, showing how everything might work in detail:

sample day's schedule
homeschool day template

Note: if you have more than one child that needs to be scheduled, and also want to figure out how to get your stuff done, I heartily recommend Managers of their Homes as a way to keep everything organized.  I've seen it used on Amazon for less than $10, but it's well worth the $25 price brand new. Here is a MOTH- inspired schedule for a family including a 9, 5, and 1-year old:

sample schedule for multiple children
multiple children schedule template

5. Adjust as you go.  Remember, the most common mistake new homeschoolers make is trying to do too much.  Many veterans recommend starting out slowly-- just a few subjects the first week, then gradually adding more in until you find your balance.  And don't try to plan too far in advance.  By using your scope and sequence, you can focus on planning just the chunk you need.  When I was doing this, I rarely scheduled out more than six weeks ahead in any kind of detail.  And what I did write was in pencil, always subject to change.

I'll leave it at that for now.